Holy Day

Today is the holiest of holy days for a southern gentleman. Easter? Christmas? Opening of deer season? No, mon frere! It is college football signing day! This is the day when every college football fan becomes both a sports genius and a master psychologist with a direct view into the minds of 18 year old boys. Every man's favorite institution of higher sports is worshipped while the dump of an arch-rival is lambasted for their obvious cheating ways.

How could that recruit your team wanted possibly sign with that other school? Doesn't he know they worship the devil and have gay orgies with people of an unfavorable race??? We really didn't want him anyway. He was too slow... too fat... didn't want to work hard enough... just wasn't (insert school mascot here) worthy.

It's the perfect way to show your school spirit. Teams that signed a great class get to claim victory without ever setting foot on the field of battle. Schools that didn't do so well can say they do a better job of signing kids that fly under the radar and they will thrive in the NFL one day because of the superior coaching they will receive.

Tomorrow begins the long dark period of the year for southern men known as " When the hell does football season start???" Some will pass the time lackadaisically pretending to give a damn about basketball. --Only Yankees and Kentuckians honestly care about basketball, and whether Kentuckians are actually southerners is a huge point of contention.-- Others pass the time watching baseball, which I must say is a sweet distraction from wondering "When the hell does football season start???" It's also mainly a reason to go drink beer with your buddies in the sun and relive that time you hit a triple in Dixie League baseball as a youngster.

Oh well... My school did better than usual, but not as good as was hoped. The rival will surely be stripped of all scholarships and made to disband their athletic department next week due to all of the improper benefits given to their players.

Amen...